Just trust me

My babies are both in love with and terrified of the water. If they could swim 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, they would. However, the sheer excitement and giddiness would be mixed with occasional terror filled screams and screeches.

We were able to spend some more time with their auntie, Shauna, before she flew back to Michigan yesterday. We met at her hotel for an early morning swim. All my babies still have to wear floaties, but I'm so anxious for them to be able to swim without them. I really wanted them to at least try and float yesterday. One by one I took them in my arms and instructed them how to lay on their backs in the water. "No, no, no, I can't, I'll drown!" I tried my best to reassure them that they could trust me, I was right there, I would not let go and they would not drown. But not one of them could do it. Their necks never would release and allow their heads to float on the water. I stood there a little bit baffled by it all. I mean, I am their mother. If I say trust me, shouldn't they be able to trust me with anything? I started to wonder if this was a sign that I was failing somewhere, but the Lord quickly redirected my thoughts. "Crystal, you do this with Me." I think I actually started to laugh a bit, but then realized that He was right. My goodness, how many times have I kicked and fought and screamed in a situation, trying my hardest to control every aspect of it? He tells me that I can trust Him, that He is right there and that He won't let go. The water may rise above my chin and even flow into my mouth, but He will not let me drown. But most of the time, I don't believe Him. "Those are just your promises, I need something more secure, more certain, more tangible!"

I felt bad for the babies because their fear really kept them from the joy they could have experienced had they simply trusted me. They would have been able to enjoy safely floating in the comfort of my secure and loving arms. It really made me wonder what I've missed out on because I was too afraid of drowning to truly trust Him. If I was 100% certain of my ability to protect them, how much more should I be confident when the Lord tells me the same? I pray He give me the ability to fully and completely rest in His secure and loving arms.

We're all tired

I've never met anyone who didn't complain about their level of exhaustion. It seems like everyone is tired these days. I wonder if that's the way it's always been, or if that burden has increased during these hectic, super charged days we live now. I know it's the first complaint you'll hear from my lips, and I've grown weary of it. Even my doctor says it's because I'm a mom with 4 babies. But, I don't know if I believe that anymore. The Lord so incredibly created our bodies. He did only give us one, though. I know the importance of taking care of my soul and how vital it is to my existence. But I horribly neglect taking care of this one body He's loaned to me. I don't get enough sleep, don't drink enough water, don't eat enough produce, don't exercise at all, don't discern what goes in as much as I should. He calls us to be good stewards of everything, not just our finances, personal belongings, or the earth. When I'm tired, my whole home is tired. Everyone can sense the ongoing feeling of energy being drained from their bones. It's contagious. The house gets neglected, the babies get neglected, my man gets neglected, and there's no way I can be a faithful witness to the glories of God when I look like I haven't slept in 4 weeks. I heard a great line in a song the other day; "if you really want to move, you've got to get moving." Simple concept. I'm tired of waiting for some magical instantaneous cure all. I'm not going to stumble into a close relationship with the Lord, a God-glorifying marriage, a deep connection with my babies or a healthy, non-exhausted me. All things worth anything take intentionality. I pray the Lord give me the motivation that only He can give. That's when things will really start to get interesting.

The swapping of “have”

Jeremy and I went to a marriage retreat this past weekend put on by Austin Stone. I can’t even begin to describe the vast amount of spiritual and practical wisdom I gained from attending. I hope to be able to share portions of that over time, because it was just-that-good! Even before Jeremy and I were married, I had some idea of my role as his partner. We almost split before exchanging our vows, but I remember that something or someone was telling me not to go. I vividly remember looking at him as I prepared to give him my last goodbye. I couldn’t do it. I specifically heard “you have to take care of this man.” I wasn’t sure why, certainly didn’t desire to do so, but begrudgingly accepted that statement and moved forward. Through the years, the Lord has revealed more details about my role as Jeremy’s wife. Each time I’ve met a hard truth, I’ve viewed it with the same resentment, “I have to submit to this man….I have to fulfill his needs….I have to be gentle and quiet….I have to be his helper…” etc. But the Lord will not rest with me fulfilling my role as a wife begrudgingly. He has begun to show me an entirely new perspective in regards to my calling. This past weekend, I began to realize what He’s been doing. My dark heart was screaming, “I have to take care of this man!” But the Lord has given my heart a new song. It now sings, “I get to take care of this man!” My, how things sound so different with the swapping of “have” for “get.” God has given me such a precious blessing as Jeremy’s wife. I’ve been so selfishly blind to that truth for far too long. I am so grateful the Lord took the time to flip the switch of my bitter heart. I pray He continues to do so fervently.

Intentional submission

I'm a huge fan of podcasts, particularly, from my two favorite churches. One of those, is the Village near Dallas. In one sermon, Matt talked about the classes they offer there on the weekends so that you can learn more about theology, work through struggles, etc. They're support for your personal walk with the Lord. Thankfully, they've included audio from some of those classes on their website here. The one I was immediately drawn to was the one titled How to study the Bible, here. This is an area in which I've greatly struggled. I can't find the motivation, can't find the time, when I do find the time I can't understand what I read, etc. This message gives a great system for studying the Word on a daily basis. Part of me always thought I needed to read everyday so that I'd be a disciplined Christian. But it's not even about that. Picking up my Bible everyday is the first sign that I'm submitting my life to Christ. It says that I acknowledge that I know NOTHING, He knows EVERYTHING, and I'm desperate for Him to speak to me and lead me. It's me making an intentional decision to submit my way to His way. The message is only about 45 minutes long, and I encourage you to download it and take a listen. I also printed out the reading plan he discusses, here. See if the Lord will give you fresh eyes in regards to your Bible. I've only been doing this for a few days, and already God has shown His faithfulness to meet me. It's amazing what He'll actually show you when you seek Him. I'd love to hear your thoughts after you've listened to it...

It's not just for men

I love listening to sermons on my ipod. The pod was a "just because" gift from my mommy. I enjoy making organized play lists of sermons. I've got a list for sermons on mommy-hood, a list for sermons on wife-hood, then a general marriage list and a few others.

I've got a husband/dad play list I made for Jeremy, and I listened to two sermons yesterday directed toward men. I was surprisingly blessed by them even as a woman. Men as Husbands has got to be one of the funniest sermons I've listened to. Matt Chandler has a way of giving gut wrenching truths laced with hilarious anecdotes unlike I've ever heard before. I laughed harder than I have in a while and that felt so good. I was also reminded of just how much influence I can and do have on my man. So much can change depending on which word I choose to speak to him. I was left feeling encouraged to treat Jeremy with more respect, kindness, patience, love, mercy and grace. Not because he deserves it or because he earned it, but because he's mine. It's what the Lord desires and my obedience will lead to greater joy.

Men as Fathers also caused eruptions of laughter as I folded laundry. But more importantly, it opened my eyes to a tragic error I've made as a parent when conveying who the Lord is to my babies. I am first to stress to them that He is holy and that He deserves our obedience. When they lie or hit, I pull out the scripture to reiterate that the Lord hates that kind of behavior and that it saddens Him. I talk about how certain attitudes dishonor God and make others wonder about His reputation if we claim we're His and act like that. They hear all about the don'ts of the Bible. But what I've neglected to stress is the beauty of how God has shown His love and glory to us through all that we enjoy as humans. The sermon talked about how we must tie everything back to its origin. If Ella loves pink, lets talk about how creative God is that He thought up the color pink and lets us see it! If Noah loves lions, lets talk about how incredible God is for creating such a strong animal. Lets talk about how He figured out just how loud it would roar and how it would slowly stalk its food. We can talk about how God knew just how long to make the mane, or how sharp to make the teeth and claws. When Hannah tells me she loves chocolate, we can talk about how yummy it is and how good of a creator the Lord is for giving us chocolate to enjoy. We can talk about whether we think He likes dark or semi-sweet better, in bar form or chip, frozen in ice cream or sprinkled on a cupcake. It all ties back to Him, and I have failed miserably at showing the babies how to praise Him and thank Him for all of it. All things beautiful and wonderful and enjoyable, all things good and pure and precious...it's all because of Him. Sure, we thank Him for our food and our obvious blessings. But do the babies thank Him for the way sand glides through their fingers, mud squishes between their toes or a popsicle stains their tongues? No. They don't, because I don't.

Praying the Lord give me the grace to show my babies that the Lord is not only just, but gloriously fun as well. He is oh so good to us, and I want my babies to live in that truth.

A place for picnics

I’ve wanted a mini picnic table for the babies for some time.  I never could find one that I liked enough to actually purchase.  Last week I found some online plans for making our own, and after some tweaking we made this one in a little over an hour.  I’m going to paint it this week, so this is not the finished product.  The kids love it, and I’m hoping it’ll last for many years. 

My first garden casualty

I joined Facebook after a few friends of mine sent me invitations. It's pretty fun. You can find almost anyone you're looking for. It's really easy to upload photos, so there may be some I upload there instead of here.

In other news, this is my first garden casualty. This was chocolate mint. I think Titus actually ate it. All I found was this pot on its side completely empty. I don't even see any remnants of the soil that was in that pot! I knew I should have fenced my herbs, but he never bothers the other ones. There was just something about the mint that I guess he couldn't resist.


Good thing he's so cute.

This is a first

Look what I found on the toilet seat about 30 minutes ago. Now, at least he was honest and owned up to writing this. Jeremy actually found it first. It was extremely difficult to keep a straight face while asking him why he would do such a thing. With a very sad and solemn look on his face and a quiver in his voice he said, "well, I wanted this to be my toilet." I didn't quite know what to say besides, "we don't write on toilets in this house." Then I had to bolt from the room before he saw my smile.

My garden

Yesterday, my sweet mom came over to help me finish the last of my plantings.  Take a look at our hard work.  I really hope the Lord will bless my measly efforts at a garden.  It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years but never got  around to. 

Here’s the main part.  Had to fence it in to keep the dogs out.

This is my roma tomato plant.  The main stem accidentally snapped about 75%, but I read that it’ll heal itself if you help support it. I also have 6 celebrity tomatoes, 3 sugar grape, and 1 yellow pear.  Yum. 

This is one of my 3 strawberry plants.  See the tiny strawberry already emerging? 

Here’s one of my 3 cucumbers.  I like the curly vine.  

My serrano pepper, see the tiny one already there?

The long stringy things are onions, red and yellow.  Then there’s a jalapeno plant, red, green & purple bell peppers, and garlic.

Every garden must have some herbs, so in the orange bucket I have parsley, cilantro and chives; in the blue planter basil, oregano, thyme and rosemary. I also have a little pot with some chocolate mint.  

Then I have a little separate watermelon patch since they need more space.  There are 6 plants.

I’m also planting some lettuce and spinach, but not sure where, and I’m going to try a thing called “trash can potatoes.”  I’m curious how much of this will actually grow.  I’ll keep you updated.

Accepting apologies

I’ve always believed that accepting an apology is the same as forgiving someone.  But the Lord showed me that I was very wrong in my understanding of forgiveness. 

I was given a very heartfelt apology recently and I accepted it.  I thought that was the end of the incident, however, a couple of days later I felt some bitterness creeping to the surface.  It made me wonder what I actually accomplished by “accepting” the apology.  Not much.  The acceptance did declare a few things: I understood that the person was acknowledging their wrongdoing, I understood that they wished they would’ve done things differently, and I understood that their regret was sincere.  So, I “accepted” those declarations.  I even expressed some of my own regrets and apologies were issued.  My heart felt relieved and refreshed, but it was short-lived.  I hadn’t  actually forgiven anything.  True forgiveness wipes the slate clean.  Forgiveness says not only is the apology accepted, but the relationship has been restored to it’s pre-offense condition.  It’s as if the offense had never taken place.  

Well, what if they don’t request my forgiveness?  No matter.  The Lord commands me to forgive those who wrong me as He forgives me who wrongs Him daily.  Forgiveness is a transaction between me and my Lord.  I do it because He tells me too, not because I think the person deserves it or because I agree with what they did.  Forgiveness does not condone wrong actions.  Forgiveness says, I know you screwed up but I screw up too, and I am so grateful that the Lord doesn’t hold that against me.  Likewise,  I won’t hold it against you and I pray that the Lord reveal to you any areas that need to be confessed to Him.  Only then is it the end of the incident.  Impossible?  Yes.  In case you haven’t noticed, humans hate to forgive and let things go.  I know I love to harbor bitter memories and store them away for the future when I can whip them out to prove my case.  But that is sinful and hideous and the Lord despises that kind of heart.  So, how do you even attempt the impossible?  I cling to the truth that the Lord will give me grace to accomplish that which He commands me to do.  It’s that simple.  Do I believe Him?  Do I really think He can make me do the impossible?  Does He really make ALL things new?  No doubt.  So by His grace what am I going to do?  Work it out.